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by Cheryl V. Minor

Understanding the spiritual lives of children is important to our identity as Christians. Jesus told us that in order to enter the kingdom of heaven we need to become like children. However, as is often the case with Jesus, he did not tell us how to do that. Perhaps what he wants us to do is to simply be with children, watch, and listen, to see if we can know something of what they know.

Children’s spirituality and spiritual development has historically been relegated to the domain of religion and religious education. Today, however, it includes the specializations of religious and secular education, theology, philosophy, psychology, neuroscience, and medicine. Clear definitions of spirituality are difficult to find because of the myriad ways people use the term. What is more prevalent are descriptions of spirituality, which generally share the idea that spirituality is an awareness of and reflection on the self, as well as all that is not the self, as connected to an individual’s search for identity, meaning and purpose.

One major investigation into the spiritual lives of children is that of David Hay and Rebecca Nye who conducted a three-year children’s spirituality project at the University of Nottingham. Analysis of extended conversations with children led Hay and Nye to identify what they considered to be a core category of children’s spirituality called relational consciousness – an evolved human capacity for an awareness of connections with self, others, the world and a transcendent power. This human capacity serves as a way of helping individuals in their search for identity, meaning and purpose for their lives. Hay and Nye’s research further revealed that many individuals repress or discard relational consciousness altogether as they encounter cultural pressures that devalue it. Children as young as ten spoke of the danger of feeling embarrassed or ridiculed as a result of exposing their spiritual experiences publicly.

Brendan Hyde, an Australian researcher studying children’s spirituality, observed factors that he suggested were inhibiting childrens’ expression of the spirituality. For example, when children were asked what mattered most to them, the children spoke of the acquisition of money or other material possessions, which is indicative of the consumerist culture that children, at least in the West, inhabit. Hyde also observed what he calls trivializing, described as the avoidance of confronting issues of meaning and value in life, as well as making light of such issues. The children were heard laughing about the serious questions regarding meaning and purpose or showed a disinterest in the question. Hyde suggested that this is also a reflection of the culture the children inhabit, which does not value much of anything.

Practically speaking, those of us working in the church (particularly in mainline denominations) can attest to what these researchers have found – that as children enter adolescence, we observe increased resistance to talking about religion or spiritual experiences, often leading to a lack of participation in church as they move into secondary schools and beyond. Simply put, the cultural influences children encounter in the public domain are powerful. The pressure to keep religion and spirituality a private thing even enters the home, causing parents to be hesitant about talking about faith with their own children, thinking it to be somehow inappropriate.

Spirituality may be a natural part of the human experience, but our culture has in many ways turned it into an endangered part of our lives.

How might your congregation empower children, youth and parents to engage in conversations about their faith?

The Rev. Cheryl V. Minor is Co-Rector of All Saints’ Episcopal Church in Boston, Massachusetts. This article first appeared in the Fall 2011 issue of “Trinity News: The Magazine of Trinity Wall Street“ and is shared with permission. Part 2 of this article will be posted on Building Faith later this month.